It's Monday

It's Monday.
In two words I have said it all.  I have described Prometheus at the bottom of the hill once again.  The dying embers of that weekend fire and it's fading afterglow.  A kitchen sink full of dishes,  The laundry basket full.  Sensibility put back on.  Early bedtimes and no late nights. Deadlines to meet yet not begun.  All hope abandon ye who enter here.  . . .
It's Monday.

Something Silly!

So I am pretty much a huge nerd and I play this game called Hearthstone.  It's a card game akin to something like "Magic"  Each time you play there is a fun little background you can interact with. On one of them you can grow crops!  You click the crop to make it disappear then add water to see what grows back.  You can do this over and over and once in a while you grow something fun like a boot! They are rare to grow and the most I have ever grown in one game is two . . . until the other day!  I grew three boots!  AMAZING!  I feel like I should get an achievement for this feat and I saved a screen shot of it for all to enjoy!  The boots are in the lower right corner to the left of the little building!  Enjoy and you're welcome!

Resting In Uncomfortable Places

I love our dog Lawrence so much, but sometimes he does things that make no sense to me whatsoever! One of the strangest things he does is this:  When he goes to lay down he will have about 90% of the bed free and clear to curl up and relax and about 10% of the space has things on it like remotes, scissors, mail, car keys or what have you and without a doubt EVERY time where does Lawrence choose to lay down?  Right on top of the hardest and most uncomfortable spot he can find!
He will lay full on on a pair of scissors and just go to sleep!  If there are three hard plastic remotes, that's his spot!  Set of poky metal keys - awesome!  Nice soft blanket?  Nope.  Fluffy, soft pillow? Pass! Cool and comfortable sheets?  Don't think so!
What the heck is Lawrence thinking?  You'd think even a dog would have enough sense to figure out that laying on hard pointy objects doesn't make for a comfortable or restful repose!  I can see him doing it once or twice by mistake, maybe even trial and error, but come on Lawrence, I know you have figured out where we keep your treats and go to only that cupboard when you want one, so I know you are smart enough to figure out that remotes and scissors equal discomfort and unrest!
The more I have thought about this quirky habit of Lawrence's the more I have come to see that I am a lot more like Lawrence then I care to admit.
Sure, maybe I don't literally lay on remotes and scissors to make myself uncomfortable, but I sure do acquiesce to lots of behavior and habits in my life that serve no purpose other than taking away from my would be happiness and peace of mind. Just like Lawrence, I am smart enough and old enough to know by now that these behaviors and habits only take away from my life, and yet I still do them, some on a daily basis.  Why?
All I can figure out (for me) is that I guess the uncomfortable I know is safer than the happiness I don't.  How messed up is that?  I am so afraid to give up what I know that I would rather keep laying on scissors and keys than venture to the unknown part of the bed that is free of debris and full of comfort.  I live in perpetual fear of the unknown on a daily basis.  This much I know.  I do not have an adventurous heart.  I like being at home.  If someone gave me a brand new car I would literally wish for and miss my POS car I have now.
I guess growing up with no constant in my life; not my parents, not my friend, not my school, not where I lived, has really taken it's toll on me.  All those years of not knowing and losing over and over again have made me clinch so tight onto what I do have that it doesn't matter to me if my clinching hurts me or constantly reopens woulds that have never had a chance to heal properly because I know I can feel what is mine in my hands.  I'd rather have something bad than nothing at all. I hope one day I can be courageous enough to let go and open up.  I hope I can venture to places without a fence.  I hope I can stop being afraid of happiness.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

a return to love - marianne williamson

Love

I think I would just like a record of what I am thinking and good writers say it's good to write something on a daily basis.  Not sure if I will make the daily writing goal, but some is better than none, right?
I tend not to think about romantic love too often.  What's the point?  Sometimes, however, it is thrown in my face and I'm human, so I do give it a thought or two.  I have come to the conclusion that I just do not get it.
I see men and women dedicate themselves to people who they resent and treat them like crap and I see other people, who are wonderful, that are alone.  I don't understand why on either side of that coin.
Why do these, dedicated to a fault, people stay with someone who treats them so poorly?  Why don't said people find one of the truly wonderful people out there that want and would treasure their love and dedication?
Why does love mostly suck?
Maybe this inability to understand and accept what seems to be the "norm" in love is why I have spent the majority of my life alone and will probably die that way.

Wow, It;s Been Forever

  Yet again I am going to try and take up this blogging thing, although I am pretty certain it's on the "outs" and I should be tweeting or something like that!  I have never been the norm as you all know, so I guess what I should be doing and what I actually do will never be one and the same!
  SO much has happened since my last entry.  Some bad.  Some good.  I guess I am happy with where I am for today,  Ask again tomorrow!
  I am learning to love me and that is a good thing,  Nor sure if anyone will ever read this again, but me, but at least it will be here!  A digital legacy of Kairy.  I guess that is all for now!

Yours, K.