It's Monday

It's Monday.
In two words I have said it all.  I have described Prometheus at the bottom of the hill once again.  The dying embers of that weekend fire and it's fading afterglow.  A kitchen sink full of dishes,  The laundry basket full.  Sensibility put back on.  Early bedtimes and no late nights. Deadlines to meet yet not begun.  All hope abandon ye who enter here.  . . .
It's Monday.

Something Silly!

So I am pretty much a huge nerd and I play this game called Hearthstone.  It's a card game akin to something like "Magic"  Each time you play there is a fun little background you can interact with. On one of them you can grow crops!  You click the crop to make it disappear then add water to see what grows back.  You can do this over and over and once in a while you grow something fun like a boot! They are rare to grow and the most I have ever grown in one game is two . . . until the other day!  I grew three boots!  AMAZING!  I feel like I should get an achievement for this feat and I saved a screen shot of it for all to enjoy!  The boots are in the lower right corner to the left of the little building!  Enjoy and you're welcome!

Resting In Uncomfortable Places

I love our dog Lawrence so much, but sometimes he does things that make no sense to me whatsoever! One of the strangest things he does is this:  When he goes to lay down he will have about 90% of the bed free and clear to curl up and relax and about 10% of the space has things on it like remotes, scissors, mail, car keys or what have you and without a doubt EVERY time where does Lawrence choose to lay down?  Right on top of the hardest and most uncomfortable spot he can find!
He will lay full on on a pair of scissors and just go to sleep!  If there are three hard plastic remotes, that's his spot!  Set of poky metal keys - awesome!  Nice soft blanket?  Nope.  Fluffy, soft pillow? Pass! Cool and comfortable sheets?  Don't think so!
What the heck is Lawrence thinking?  You'd think even a dog would have enough sense to figure out that laying on hard pointy objects doesn't make for a comfortable or restful repose!  I can see him doing it once or twice by mistake, maybe even trial and error, but come on Lawrence, I know you have figured out where we keep your treats and go to only that cupboard when you want one, so I know you are smart enough to figure out that remotes and scissors equal discomfort and unrest!
The more I have thought about this quirky habit of Lawrence's the more I have come to see that I am a lot more like Lawrence then I care to admit.
Sure, maybe I don't literally lay on remotes and scissors to make myself uncomfortable, but I sure do acquiesce to lots of behavior and habits in my life that serve no purpose other than taking away from my would be happiness and peace of mind. Just like Lawrence, I am smart enough and old enough to know by now that these behaviors and habits only take away from my life, and yet I still do them, some on a daily basis.  Why?
All I can figure out (for me) is that I guess the uncomfortable I know is safer than the happiness I don't.  How messed up is that?  I am so afraid to give up what I know that I would rather keep laying on scissors and keys than venture to the unknown part of the bed that is free of debris and full of comfort.  I live in perpetual fear of the unknown on a daily basis.  This much I know.  I do not have an adventurous heart.  I like being at home.  If someone gave me a brand new car I would literally wish for and miss my POS car I have now.
I guess growing up with no constant in my life; not my parents, not my friend, not my school, not where I lived, has really taken it's toll on me.  All those years of not knowing and losing over and over again have made me clinch so tight onto what I do have that it doesn't matter to me if my clinching hurts me or constantly reopens woulds that have never had a chance to heal properly because I know I can feel what is mine in my hands.  I'd rather have something bad than nothing at all. I hope one day I can be courageous enough to let go and open up.  I hope I can venture to places without a fence.  I hope I can stop being afraid of happiness.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

a return to love - marianne williamson

Love

I think I would just like a record of what I am thinking and good writers say it's good to write something on a daily basis.  Not sure if I will make the daily writing goal, but some is better than none, right?
I tend not to think about romantic love too often.  What's the point?  Sometimes, however, it is thrown in my face and I'm human, so I do give it a thought or two.  I have come to the conclusion that I just do not get it.
I see men and women dedicate themselves to people who they resent and treat them like crap and I see other people, who are wonderful, that are alone.  I don't understand why on either side of that coin.
Why do these, dedicated to a fault, people stay with someone who treats them so poorly?  Why don't said people find one of the truly wonderful people out there that want and would treasure their love and dedication?
Why does love mostly suck?
Maybe this inability to understand and accept what seems to be the "norm" in love is why I have spent the majority of my life alone and will probably die that way.

Wow, It;s Been Forever

  Yet again I am going to try and take up this blogging thing, although I am pretty certain it's on the "outs" and I should be tweeting or something like that!  I have never been the norm as you all know, so I guess what I should be doing and what I actually do will never be one and the same!
  SO much has happened since my last entry.  Some bad.  Some good.  I guess I am happy with where I am for today,  Ask again tomorrow!
  I am learning to love me and that is a good thing,  Nor sure if anyone will ever read this again, but me, but at least it will be here!  A digital legacy of Kairy.  I guess that is all for now!

Yours, K.

Time Moves On And So Must I

I need a place I can be honest and I can be "me". I think I am just starting to discover who that is and yet still don't seem to know. The things I do know I am begin to validate and be okay with.
I guess spring is a good time to renew. To make the changes you want for yourself, not the ones people tell you you should make. So I'm going to. Where it leads me is where I am supposed to be. I am done believing that things are random. I am in control with the help of God. Mundane is a miracle. I am a miracle. You are a miracle.
If life sucks, I'm going to say it sucks. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. There is nothing wrong with telling the truth. There never will be. It will set you free. I know my truth may be darker then yours, but it's mine. There are some things I can't help or change so I'm just letting them go.
I chose to remember warm nights filled with breezes. music, and magical feelings. I choose to remember tears. I choose to take it all with me.
I can't censor myself anymore. If it means I loose your friendship I am so sorry and I will cry long and hard, but I can't live like this anymore. I am just me. I love so deeply and I don't know how else to. Despite being mistaken for an extrovert, I'm not. I just have a genuine interest and love in most everyone I meet.
many people don't "get me", and that's okay because I am a rare bird. It's no one's fault and it's okay. Finding others like me is hard, and I have to know that those times and connections will be few and far between (years and years), but I know you are out there my kindred. I'm waiting for you to enter the stage of life.
I long for starry warm nights in the mountains where I can see God's creations and the stars bright and blazing, undimmed by man made lights. I long for minimal things. I hate money with all my heart. I know it's necessary, but everyday of my life will be a step closer to a life free of money and a time of self reliance. From now on I will be Machiavellian in deed when it comes to money. A means to an end.
Could you imagine if I drank what I might be typing on here??? LOL! I'm going to try my best to be accepting of whatever I feel. Set myself free from judging others and allowing others to judge me. Not sure what else I will put on here (the blog), but it will be honest and it will be ME.

Yours, K

Bad Blogger

Wow I am the world's WORST blogger! I updated the design so maybe some time soon I will update the blog!
Today was the first day of grade 2 for Korbey, so I am hoping it went well! He was mega excited to go. He wants to learn more times tables he kept saying! LOL! He is also excited to see who is in his class this year. I'm hoping a few of his buds from grade one will be.
It is still full on summer and very hot here! As you may know we have had lots of flooding too. There have been a limit on supplies and such, but nothing too bad. There is supposed to be more flooding ahead. I hope it's not too bad. My heart breaks for those who are loosing so much.
We had a very nice Christmas here. Korban got spoiled by so many people, what a lucky kid he is! he got all kinds of Legos, Kenxs, toys, cloths etc . . . We had a nice after Christmas surprise of winning a brand new Wii and a game. This of course happened a few months after we finally broke down and bought a used Wii on sale! LOL! We haven't decided what to do with the new one, we are thinking of donating it to some flood victims or selling it, we'll have to see.
Guess that's it for now I will TRY and be a better blogger!

Done Being Sick!

Well I'm feeling much better and David is getting there and thank goodness (knock on wood) Korban didn't get it at all! I thought I was going to die a few days, wanted to die a few, and was convinced I head a brain tumor from all the head pressure/pain!
I always do thank God for good health, but now I mean it even more! I'm just glad I'm not going to be sick on my upcoming birthday that I'm not going to celebrate!

Toasting Glasses

I got our toasting glasses! The lady wanted 50.00 for them, but I talked her down to 33.00! I really love them and they keep with the theme of daisies!

Wedding Dress

Just thought I would post some pics of my wedding dress! I won't have it until right before the wedding since we are having it custom made and it takes six weeks! It pays to live this close to China! You can get all kinds of things custom made for super cheap prices, I guess that's why everything these days does come from china! LOL!

The Ekka 2010

Wow! We had SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun at The Ekka this year!!! For those of you who don't know what The Ekka is I will give a quick explanation. It's basically an exhibition that they call The Ekka for short. I know it makes no sense, but that's Australia for you! It's basically a massive fair! It's HUGE! They have rides, barn animals, car shows, fireworks, dagwood dogs (like a giant corn dog only using regular batter since they have no corn bread type batter here), Strawberry sundae (a ice cream cone with a layer of fresh cream, then fresh strawberries, then home made strawberry ice cream (shaped like a hockey puck), more cream, and finally a whole strawberry on top! Yes, it's as good as it sounds!),these things called "show bags" (I'll explain about later), wine tastings, food samples, live music, etc . . .
We took the train in since there are so many people parking is insane!!! During The Ekka they have a special train that runs literally right to the front of it! It's so awesome! Plus it was a free ride since the QLD government just started this new "touch and go" card system for all mass transit here and as an incentive to get people to use it, if you ordered a card they would load it with $10.00 so you can try it out!
Once we got there we headed for the Woolworth's pavilion (Woolworth's is a supermarket here in AU), that is where all the free samples are!!! Oh yeah! We got to try all kinds of yummy stuff! Garlic shrimp, gourmet breads, organic apples, banana dessert, beef jerky, and David was even daring enough to try some habanero chili! While we were there we scored some gourmet bread! Three loves for 5.00 AU when they are normally 5.50 per loaf! It was the last day of The Ekka so tons of stuff was on discount!
We used some of our new bread to make ourselves a cheap lunch by Ekka standards! We bought some alleged NY Style hot dogs and used our bread to eat it. As I'm sure you can guess they were NOT anything like real NY style hot dogs, but hey it was a good cheap lunch!
Next we headed to one of my fav parts of The Ekka the cheap Asian products pavilion (I call it that they call it something fancier)! We got some killer deals on some cute little broaches and some cute key chains for Korban to put on his backpack. The best thing of all is I got some very nice daisy themed toasting glasses for the wedding! They were $50.00 and I talked her down to $33.00! Yeah I know I rock!!!
Now to the show bag explanation! Here in AU, most things like this have show bags. They are themed. For example they have Pepsi show bags that come with a backpack, Pepsi products, magazine, T-shirt, sunglasses, etc and you buy it, they are gen about 20.00 or so. They also have one with candy, women's stuff, sports stuff, kids themes etc . . . We took a peek at the show bags early in the day but waited to get anything since we didn't want to carry it around ALL day! Korban ended up getting a awesome show bag! He got an archery set, rubrics cube, giant hand clapper, tons of candy (like 40 pieces), giant sticky hand, giant sunglasses, helicopter blades, and more for 17.00 AU! It was the best bag for him I think!
We also made a stop to see all the cute animals! We held baby chicks like we do every year! This year Korban got a very well behaved chick, it loved him. It just sat there and looked cute, it even sat on his arm like a little Chicky wrist watch! I got the Satan chick! It was crazy!!! It kept trying to fly away like it was a condor or something!!! I felt like slipping it one of Korban's ADHD meds! LOL! We also got to see baby cows, sheep, ducks, ect!
They also have a "little miracles" room where you can watch sheep giving birth! I know crazy huh! We just missed one giving birth and got tired of waiting for the other one to finally have it's baby! LOL! However we did get to see lots of adorable newborn sheep. They spray paint them though! I'm not sure why! They look like sheep that got tagged in a drive by!
David is such a sweetheart, he let me take LOTS of time to look at stuff! I even got to buy some pretty cute stuff! A scarf, some bags, a handbag holder so I can hang it from the table and not have to put it on the floor or take up a seat, and other things here and there! He even carried most of it! I love you honey!
To end the day we got to see some awesome shows they have starting at 6:00pm! Logging competitions, equine competitions, stunt driving shows, and this year a monster truck and guess where the driver was from? LOL! Salt Lake City, Utah!! I all most died laughing! I guess he's the world champion monster truck driver and came down here just to do The Ekka! They finish it off with some amazing fireworks!
It was just an amazing time! I love going to The Ekka with Korban and David! I hope it's a family tradition we can have for many years to come! Oh and I found twenty bucks and a credit card!!! Yes we are turning in the card to the bank, but I kept the 20.00, so there!

Feeling Bloggy

Wow! It has been ages since I had a post on here! I look at all my friends blogs and they are all SO amazing at keeping theirs updated! It puts me to shame! No promises, but I will make an effort to keep this one updated!
So much has happened no since in trying to update it all, besides I'm pretty sure no one reads this any more due to the months of inactivity! I'll just keep things current I guess!
Right now David and I are getting our wedding planned! Finally after three LONG years! I am so excited! Korban is going to school and doing great now that he is on meds here in AU! I am so proud of him! I am driving here in AU and still HATE roundabouts! They are from the devil!!! LOL!
We are basically just having fun being a family and doing silly everyday stuff! For dinner tonight I am making beans! Just like my grams did when she was alive! Yummy! Makes me think of her so much. I miss her!
I guess that's it for now! Hope I keep it up!

Worst Mothers Day ever

Will I rem this day by the sea when the embers of my life begin to fade?

This is my first text blog! Can you feel it? Thats right! I rock!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waiting, he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Then close your eyes, and I'll be on my way.
Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say,

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.

But I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.

Leaving on a jet plane

Leaving on a jet plane

Leaving on a jet plane . . .


~John Denver

Anything I'm Not

I will never be
I will never be tall
No
And I will never be
Never ever
Be sure of it all
Oh, why is the world
So cruel to me
When all
All I ever want to be
Is anything I'm not

Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not
I'm not

I will never be
I will never be you
No
I will always be
I will always be me
That I know
But oh
Even though
I'm happy being me
I want to get away
From all
This harsh reality
Oh

Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not

Yeah
Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not
Anything I'm not
Oh
Anything I'm not

Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not

Yeah
Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not
Anything I'm not
Anything I'm not
Anything I'm not
Anything I'm not

~Lenka