"I survived"

I watch this show on the bio channel called, "I Survived." It's about people who have survived very traumatic events that otherwise would have normally killed someone. Sometimes it's a survival situation such as being ship wrecked or being attacked by and animal, but 90% are people who have survived the cruelty of another person(s). And of those stories 85% are stories of women being sexually assaulted.
I love/hate this show.
I listen to theses stories, and all it is, is the people sitting in front of the camera telling their story, and I am captivated. Amazed. At times when you'd think someone would fall apart and literally die, these people have moments of amazing clarity, and it saves their lives.
I also sit and cry a lot. I am in such disbelief at the cruelty of others (99.9% men). How anyone could do such horrible things to another human being and in some cases children too. How could any one person be so disconnected from their humanity that they can do things so unthinkable to another.
Another thing that seems to happen over and over when these stories is being told is of how most of these people's screams are literally ignored by people who are around them. Time after time people who can hear or see the events as they unfold do NOTHING. Not even call 911. The answer they all give is that they don't want to be involved. And for every person who doesn't help during the time of the crime there are a whole other set of people that refuse to help after the person has survived and is again seeking help. They have to walk blocks or miles to a public place for help because no one will stop their car or open their door to help. One woman stopped her car long enough to tell on of these victims she can't help because she'll be late for work!!!!
What the heck is wrong with all of us? We see people in need and look the other way. I have seen things on Dateline where they set up a fake scenario with actors to see how the public will react and sadly 90% of people do nothing.
This brings me to my next point.
While I am in complete disgust at the lack of humanity humans have I am equally in awe of the amazing will of people to survive. And in a very few cases (at least in the exp of the people who tell their stories on this show) the great love and kindness that can be shown to others.
These people survive being beaten, shot, stabbed, rapped, strangled, and run over (all done repeatedly). And more then the physical, they endure unimaginable emotional trauma.
They are terrified but not afraid. Maybe the first step in survival. They don't surrender completely at any time. And most, if not all, speak of a devine faith. They describe being there but "gone". Of blinding white light. Of unearthly calm. Of saying goodbye and feeling peace. Of being in the exact right place after the attacks to be rescued or reach help. In one instance of a sark attack a pod of 20 dolphins surrounded the survivor and protected him from being further attacked by the Great White. He said he knows he lived because of them.
So, this show makes me think of the eternal coin. Two sides to every situation. One head, one tails. To be or not to be.
I still can't pick a side.
I see the world and all it's horror and really want to give up most days. I feel like it's pointless, we are surrounded by darkness, there is no safe place left.
But then I am reminded of how light can penetrate the darkest of places and that one point of light is enough to destroy darkness. And that light can easily bend to go around things.
I often wonder if life is better described as winding, uphill, and bumpy path rather then straight and narrow. Nothing about my life has ever been a straight course or an easy one. Despite that it has still found goodness along the way. there have been times of happiness, though too short for me.
And despite it all I still hope. Hope for a life beside the man I love. Hope that if I am faced with it, I will be the one to answer someone's call for help no matter how late it makes me for work.

Yours, K.